Simply Mine

My ex husband married my sister. (this wasn't a recent event, they've been married for over a year) Yep. Anyway it happened and it has changed so many things. Put a lot of tension where it wouldn't have otherwise been. Of course, if you ask some, they'll say "it's only tense because some make it tense".

Really that isn't true. There are times that people and their circumstances just make people uneasy. My sister and my ex being married certainly would have that effect on one hand. Like I have that effect on his family (or so it seems).

Some would think that it's an odd thing to happen. I've heard all the jokes about my kids being their own cousins and how my daughters Dad is her sisters Uncle. Yeah yeah yeah.

I also think that those two were meant to be married long long ago. They are a MUCH better fit than he and I were. We got 4 awesome things out of that marriage and that's it. And for those 4 kiddo's, I'm grateful.

I don't dwell on it. The way I see it, it isn't my story anymore. I cut that part of the book off and began a new chapter.

Sisters? Yes. Not that it really matters, we spent years apart, she and I. I had babies and never heard from her. Maybe there is a reason we've never been close. God knows every chapter of our lives long before it ever happens. Who knows.

It is, however, my kids story. How they feel about certain things, their relationships with family etc...all part of their story. Not mine. So how I "feel" about something or someone doesn't matter. I love each of those kids enough to allow them to have those relationships without my opinion weighing them down. Now, when it comes to right or wrong, that's a different story. It's my responsibility as their Momma to guide and teach them. But even that has to be done without bias. Or you run the terrible risk of creating more difficult issues that will encumber them later on in life.

And of course, it all comes down to this;

What you say to a child, what you do, how you act etc. are all things that child will remember. That is the most important thing to me. When a child is yelled at or embarrassed or lied to or someone talks bad about a parent (either parent) those are ALL things that will bury itself inside that child's memory and stay forever.

So that child grows up. And with it, stays it's memories. Don't be a negative part to that. The negative can not be undone. I have lots of happy memories with one of my Aunts. But there are also a couple of times that she said something that I have remembered, all these years later. And it hurt.

Children have this innate ability to deeply love. Even when you don't. So there are people my kids love that I do not. I do, though, deeply love my kids - therefore completely supporting their love for those people.

Because that's what grown-ups do.

So yes, my ex and my sister are married. And as difficult and complicated as that has been at times, it is what it is.

And my life now is too. I cherish where I am. Leaving the past where it belongs.

Like an old favorite book, worn, torn and tired pages with a soft and fragile spine, I will still continue on my story.....because it is simply mine.