Reality

Someone told me recently that if Joe and I didn't fight or whatever then either one or both of us was seriously repressing something or "reality hasn't hit yet". Hmmm. I have thought long and hard about this.

Why must reality be a negative? According to this person, if reality had hit our marriage then it would have had a negative effect. But I see it as quite the opposite. I see that reality has definitely effected us. Except that it isn't a negative but a positive.

Is this how our society views love, marriage...commitment? Something that is only good until reality hits? Then when reality hits it gets hard? Why must we be people that insist on reading marriage books and listening to "experts"? If we spent half the time with our spouse listening to them instead of to some stranger, I think life would be easier.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't that I don't believe in marriage help books or people, it's just that I truly believe that if you have 2 people that are willing to work at something, does it truly take someone else to help pull you together?

For us, it's easy to talk. Even if there is a problem, talking it out has never been an issue. Simply because we are 2 people who value each other, respect each other and most definitely doesn't want to be the cause of pain in the other. It's easier for me to talk to Joe about stuff than for me to go read a book on marriage.

I do feel that there are occasions when an outside point of view can help bring perspective on a problems. But I more strongly feel that if the 2 people would just desire to bring only good will on the other, lives would be easier.

It's much harder, I think when you have a spouse with a narcissistic attitude (when they view all of their relationships as being centered around them, parents, children, co-workers, church...). When this happens they will inevitably have that "teacher" tone, not exactly viewing you as equal, but as someone they possibly "saved" and can now teach and train. Sad, but happens all the time.

Reality is what is real. In my life, there are a lot of realities. In regards to my husband and family - they are positive. A negative? That I miss my older 3 kiddo's like crazy. As I am sure my ex misses Abby. A reality. Aside from that - my reality is that I have the chance to be a better wife this time around. To treat my husband the way I should. To be his help-mate, lover and friend.

And I married someone who truly loves me. He shows it everyday in his actions and his words. But anyone can say it, huh? I guess the true test is can they consistently display it? I get that now and even more I am blessed to be able to give it.

I hope that people can realize that reality doesn't always have to be a negative and that marriage doesn't always have to be so hard. ~