Divorce

Reading some of the older posts on here lately really has had me thinking! Some of the posts I had forgotten about and was laughing so hard while reading them. Some made me sad. All in all, I realized that this blog really has been a documentation of my life. Pretty much the past 4 years. There is a lot of good documented, a lot of funny, some serious, some sad. But it's my life. It's my thoughts.

The one thing I'm going to do differently is be a little more real about the not so great stuff. There are too many Christians walking their walk who put on smiles and act like life is great and they don't struggle with anything. My friend, Kim, made a beautiful point the other day. I'll post it here:

If you don't have struggles or hard times then maybe you should ponder that. If Satan never attacks you then maybe you should ask yourself "am I a threat to him?". Quite simply, if you are not a threat, then he will not see the need to attack. If you ARE a threat, then he will attack.

I think I've learned to take my attacks as a compliment. Satan knows I want to live my life for God. And knowing that makes him really angry. And I've learned that he'll stop at nothing to get at me. The thing is, he won't win. Because even when I felt like I was in my darkest deepest moments at the bottom of the pit, I relied on God.

I kept reminding myself of Romans 12. Trying to not be conformed but transformed. And holy cow have I messed things up! But I would continue to say to myself "out with the old in with the new". And it has helped me keep my eye on the goal.

I am a divorced/remarried woman/momma. As sad as divorce is, I'm grateful that my ex-husband and I have come to the conclusion that we want to make this as easy an experience for our kids as we can. Is there anything easy about divorce? Nope. But it doesn't have to be a huge nasty fight. And I think we've learned that when you ignore the ill advice of people encouraging you to "go after or fight" and you put the kids first remembering that fighting in any way will hurt them, things are better.

It just doesn't matter any more what happened in our marriage. The divorce dissolved the marriage and it's contents. And what we have left are these 4 beautiful children who deserve only the best that we can give them.

That means putting aside what we want, what we think we deserve, and put the kids first. It's amazing how just doing that can clear up so many issues.

I also think that there were a lot of well meaning friends and family who were encouraging a nasty fight. Court or otherwise. I find that interesting seeing as how we both come from a long line of Christians.......

My point is that we all have our struggles. Some people have secret struggles and some have open struggles. We choose to be real about them or not. Sometimes we get angry when someone doesn't do things the way we want.

I've certainly had people angry with me because they think I'm doing things wrong. Of course, My family supported me and his family supported him. That's probably generally how it is.

Funny though, not very many at all were simply on the kids side. No one told us BOTH, hey pull your head out and look at how you are making this worse.....no, it seemed that it was either his side or my side.

Personally, I think the right thing to do would have been to just be on the kids side. It's important to our kids for their family members to be supportive of the other. It's important for my kids to know that my parents support a relationship with my ex's parents. It's a huge deal, because this is THEIR life. And ALL of these people are a part of their life. Even if they are not a part of my life, or my ex's life. it's about the KID'S life.

So, that's my view on this whole divorce thing. LOL