Fear

Well, PWOC Sunday went off well. We did our song and our skit and all survived. I've been trying to work on my lesson for Tuesday as well. For those of you who don't know, I facilitate a bible class on Tuesdays. My class is studying the book "Having a Mary Heart in A Martha World". It's a great class and we have 12 people in it. We also have 2 other classes going on at the same time as mine with about the same number of women in each. Being a part of PWOC has been a learning experience for me. Especially because I come from a pretty conservative background as far as music, clapping hands, how we worship in general, where we worship, things of that nature go. But I enjoy my position in PWOC. I've also enjoyed using my talents to contribute to the ministering of military wives. Being a Christian in this world is hard. But surround yourself with hard core military peeps who last care on earth is any form of religion and you'll either follow them or realize quickly that it'll take a lot of work not to.

It's vastly different than when we were students at MBC. It seems like we were sheltered from the world when we were there. At least that is my opinion. Because this is the real world. When you are constantly challenged in what you believe and why. Here and now, I have to be able to explain why I believe what I do. I think I've been most surprised by people who can't tell you the answers to that.

I have been so deeply challenged that there was a time when I feared death. I feared the possibility of hell so intensely, that I regretted ever being born. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to die, no suicide. That's just it though, I was SO afraid of hell, just the severity of it all was so scary, that it only seemed logical to me to wish for non existence. If I never existed, then hell wouldn't even be a possibility. Because never in a lifetime would I be good enough for heaven. Does that make sense? Because I just didn't understand. I didn't understand God's grace. I still struggle with the fact that I will never fully comprehend it. That it's all about faith. And faith without works is fruitless.

Ok, so the fumes from the laundry soap have gotten inside my head...lol Although once I fixed the dryer you'll be proud to know that I did 8 loads of laundry. Yes, 8. Don't gawk, a family of 6 puts out a lot of laundry. :) Til later...